If your day is going like mine, you probably have a to do list a mile long, laundry to put away, dinner to make, work to finish, and about twenty minutes before you have to go pick up your kids. If you’re like me, you also just started a side task that was not on your to do list, that you thought would take two minutes and took two hours, and that you didn’t actually finish. Whoops.
I started this blog when I launched my website with the intention to post weekly. It’s been live for two months and I have posted…twice. I actually really enjoy writing (past English major here), and have been wanting a place to put my thoughts, musings, tease out complex clinical theories I’m mulling over and to get important information out into the world. So the lack of posting is not for lack of motivation…so what is it?
For one thing, ADHD, which stands for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, classically causes executive functioning problems for people who have this neurological difference (like me). What is executive function? Thanks for asking. Executive function is, in the words of Jessica McCabe and author of How to ADHD, “the CEO of the brain.” Executive function is a set of cognitive processes that help us to figure out what to do, how to do it, and stay focused on our task and overall goals. The components of executive function include three branches:
working memory
cognitive flexibility
inhibition control
Working memory is our ability to hold things in our mind; so, for example, remembering what task we were about to do when we sat down to our computer to write a blog post, which was not, say, watching funny reels for five, ten, twenty, actually let’s not talk about that, minutes. Cognitive flexibility is the ability to shift modes or tasks, and gives us the ability to multitask, or adapt to sudden changes to plan. Inhibition control is the ability to inhibit impulses, such as holding a thought until the person speaking finishes theirs, or stay on task without getting distracted when a text notification goes off.
Furthermore, neurological differences due to ADHD impact the level of dopamine in our brains, and cause us to have an interest based rewards system. While someone with neurotypical wiring may seem to have no problem identifying a task, remembering the task, prioritizing the task, breaking it down into manageable steps, working through each step and finishing to completion, for us ADHDers it’s just not that simple.
Folks with ADHD tend to have challenges with executive function - and it’s not because we aren’t capable, or because we’re lazy. For the most part it’s the exact opposite - we are highly interested, highly capable and competent to complete complex tasks, and very hard working. The problem is, starting a task, like writing a blog post, isn’t just one task. It involves a lot of executive function, such as holding the task in mind when I sit down at my computer, the ability to adapt to shift modes, such as switching from the mode I am in when sitting with a client, to my writing mode, and the ability to follow through on completing a task that requires more attention and focus, rather than getting sidetracked with something that lights up the reward system of my brain.
This is probably where you expect me to give you strategies for improving executive function. Hey, have you tried “writing a to do list, or “breaking the task down into manageable pieces?”
But, while there are strategies that can help the neurodivergent brain to stay in a more task oriented mindset, focusing only executive function is missing a huge part of the picture when it comes to ADHD.
Adults with ADHD, whether diagnosed early or later in life, have spent a lifetime feeling behind, overwhelmed, and waiting for the other shoe to drop. We have lived with the noise inside of our minds for decades. We have carried the shame of being called out in class for not doing our homework or talking too much in class, the quiet panic of realizing we zoned out during a review session and the final exam is tomorrow, and felt the sting of rejection in social situations that we never fully understood. We’ve been told since childhood that we “just need to try harder,” that we’re lazy, or too much. All of this messaging is internalized into negative beliefs held in our subconscious.
When we experience frequent shame or negative feedback early in life, and form subconscious beliefs about ourselves, such as that we are incompetent, or can’t do hard things, parts tend to show up that try to help to steer away from activation of emotions tied to those beliefs, such as shame or sadness. These protective parts can look like things like perfectionism (working way too long on a task or checking it many times to make sure it is completely correct to avoid negative feedback), procrastination (avoiding starting a task that feels too overwhelming or can’t be done perfectly), or an inner critic or self judgmental part telling you that your work is flawed, unimportant or not good enough, before anyone else can.
These parts are trying to help, and often become highly activated when they sense that the system is about to experience vulnerability to the potential for failure or criticism, which our nervous systems perceive as a real threat. And often, the parts that they are trying to protect from are not in the here and now, but stuck in time. When I sit down to write a blog post, I am not only sitting down as my therapist self with a master’s degree, license and several certifications. I am also sitting down as the 8 year old terrified to go to school because she daydreamed through the explanation of yesterday’s homework assignment and was too anxious to ask what it was. So, while it may sound dramatic, sitting down to write a blog post pushes my system out of its window of tolerance, leading either to hyper arousal (a frenzy of activity doing many activities that could include writing a blog post, but probably doesn’t) or hypo arousal (mindless scrolling).
This is part of the reason why interventions that focus only on the behavior with ADHD often miss the bigger picture. We don’t need more structures and control. Actually, most of us already have figured out ways to overcompensate for the different ways our brains work. But imposing more structure and control does not make our system feel safer. In fact, they often have the opposite impact, pushing us more into a state of nervous system dysregulation and further outside of our window of tolerance.
When we can learn to approach our systems with compassion, and see the functions of behaviors such as procrastination not as flaws but as understandable functional protective mechanisms, we can begin to explore the negative beliefs hiding underneath. Often, the parts of ourselves holding shame, fear, or sadness, are stuck in time. Therapy that goes beneath the surface to explore the roots of these beliefs can be extremely helpful in helping our nervous systems begin to differentiate between then and now. Approaches such as EMDR can help us actually reprocess early life experiences that helped to shape these beliefs, so we can find better regulation, compassion and understanding for our child selves, who often were so very misunderstood.
So, the next time you find yourself struggling to get started on a task, it may be helpful to notice what is happening in your system. You may be surprised at what changes when you allow yourself to slow down, tune in, and approach yourself with compassion. And if you are finding this difficult to do on your own and you could use some help and a supportive space to do so, you are always welcome to reach out.
